{"id":167,"date":"2006-02-05T08:43:00","date_gmt":"2006-02-05T08:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/?p=167"},"modified":"2014-07-24T21:17:11","modified_gmt":"2014-07-24T21:17:11","slug":"remembering-a-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/?p=167","title":{"rendered":"Remembering A Friend"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Remembering%20A%20Friend\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>This week there was a violent attack against <a href=\"http:\/\/www.msnbc.msn.com\/id\/11146480\/\">gay patrons<\/a> in a Massachusetts bar. When ever I read or hear about his type of thing my blood boils. In 1993 my friend Rob Johnson was bashed to death in his apartment in San Diego.<\/p>\n<p>I had met him a year earlier while visiting my family in SD (I was going to Fresno State at the time). We met at &#8220;The Flame&#8221; a lesbian bar that hosted &#8220;Boys Night Out&#8221; on Tuesdays, and we hit it off quite well. He was in line right in front of me and, when he paid the $2.00 cover to enter the bar, instead of stamping his wrist, you know, standard procedure, he pulled down trow and had them stamp his right cheek. I was hooked right then. His positive attitude was infectious He was just a normal guy. No hang-ups. Normal. And he just happened to be gay.<\/p>\n<p>We hung out for the next few days, I even spent the night at his bungalow overlooking Pacific Beach, which was strange for me being a &#8220;Hit and Run-Out-the-Door&#8221; guy back then. And then I went back to school.<\/p>\n<p>We kept in touch, and hooked up a few times that year, when ever I was in town. But there was no possibility of a relationship, even after I moved back to SD in the summer of 92. You see, I was still nervous about being gay. I had not broken down all my negative barriers yet, and was still keeping my gay and straight life separate. I was not ready for a relationship. And he was a bit of a player; he liked to have his fun. We didn&#8217;t socialize much after I moved back.<\/p>\n<p>Things move on.<\/p>\n<p>But I still loved him, and I think he knew it. I kinda melted whenever I saw him, even when he was with another guy. I didn&#8217;t get jealous, as I knew we were in different places in our lives. Still, I had always wanted to be with him. It was never to be.<\/p>\n<p>In April of 93, I guess I hadn&#8217;t gone out for a week or so (not unusual for me) and was at &#8220;Flicks&#8221;, one of my regular hang-outs. I overheard friends talking about the wonderful but sad funeral they had gone to that day. When we were leaving the bar I asked the question that needed to be asked, although I had a gut feeling I might not like the answer. I still recall the little voice in my head screaming &#8220;don&#8217;t ask, don&#8217;t ask, don&#8217;t ask&#8221;. I did. &#8220;Who&#8217;s funeral did you all go to&#8221;? One of my friends said &#8220;Our friend Rob in PB&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>I said &#8220;Johnson???&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I think the look on my face said everything. Someone said in a shocked tone &#8220;Oh my God, you knew him&#8230; you didn&#8217;t know?&#8221;. I remember the looks on their faces, as I&#8217;m sure they reflected the look on mine. Since the relationship was in the past, and I was not exactly the most social type of person, how could they know I knew him? And no one called since no one had my number. Anyway, they told me that he was robbed and shot dead in his apartment. We went out to a Denny&#8217;s-ish restaurant, and I was OK. Then the next morning the full weight of the new reality clamped down on my heart. Rob was gone. I&#8217;ll never see him again. Never again see his smile. Hear his laughter. That was so hard. So sudden. So final.<\/p>\n<p>A week or two after, I started hearing different versions of what had happened to Rob, so I went to visit Robs best friend and maybe ask about the details of Robs death. I couldn&#8217;t. As soon as Bill opened the door I knew I never could ask him because the pain was so clear on his face too. So I simply told him how sorry I was, and call me if you need to talk.<\/p>\n<p>How stupid.<\/p>\n<p>I was the one that needed to talk. So I went to my car, grabbed my lyric notebook, and walked down to the shoreline, and with the waves cresting before me, wrote the best, gut wrenching, most honest lyric I will probably ever write.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>JUST ONE TEAR<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Who&#8217;s to say<br \/>\nThat the road we take<br \/>\nIs the road we should be traveling<br \/>\nWho knows<br \/>\nIf the path we take<br \/>\nIs the one we should be on<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Without you here<br \/>\nLife is slowing down<br \/>\nAnd any sense it made&#8217;s unraveling<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>No need to try and wonder why<br \/>\nOr dwell on things we left unsaid<br \/>\nI&#8217;m only left to sit and hope<br \/>\nYours was a life with few regrets<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Who&#8217;s to say<br \/>\nIf what we do is right or wrong<br \/>\nGuess now I&#8217;ll never know<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>I can say I knew you, You were a friend of mine.<br \/>\nI don&#8217;t now how to say goodbye, You were a friend of mine<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>There must be something more to say<br \/>\nIt may be better off this way<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>You were a friend of mine<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>This would come out fine<br \/>\nIf I would cry just a little<br \/>\nThis might come out better<br \/>\nIf I could cry just a little<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Just one tear<br \/>\nYou were a friend of mine.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I have always kept my emotions close to the vest. It was a survival mechanism I had used to get through an unhappy youth. Is that response genetic or learned I don&#8217;t know, and it&#8217;s not important at the moment. Anyway, because I missed the funeral, I never got the chance to weep for my friend.<\/p>\n<p>I did eventually find out what most likely happened. Rob was known for &#8220;skimming&#8221; the beaches late at night and picking up strangers to have fun with. Well I guess he picked the wrong guy. They went to Robs apartment and the guy, who was never caught, beat Rob to a pulp and left him in the tub to die. I also found out that Robs parents didn&#8217;t know he was gay, and they didn&#8217;t find out until his funeral. That gave me the courage to finally tell my parents the truth about being gay. I couldn&#8217;t imagine having them go through the same thing if something were to happen to me. It&#8217;s sad irony that Rob&#8217;s death helped me cross a final barrier; the tragic end of his life helped me move forward in mine.<\/p>\n<p>I wish to God I would have had the courage to tell him how I felt about him. He was, and still is, a major influence in shedding my negative feelings about being gay, and I miss him greatly to this day.<\/p>\n<p>UPDATE on this post <a href=\"http:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/?p=6480\">Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Remembering%20A%20Friend\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>This week there was a violent attack against gay patrons in a Massachusetts bar. When ever I read or hear about his type of thing my blood boils. In 1993 my friend Rob Johnson was bashed to death in his apartment in San Diego. I had met him a year earlier while visiting my family [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[58],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=167"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8502,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167\/revisions\/8502"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}