{"id":211,"date":"2006-07-24T12:25:00","date_gmt":"2006-07-24T12:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/?p=211"},"modified":"2006-07-24T12:25:00","modified_gmt":"2006-07-24T12:25:00","slug":"would-i-calm-her-down-by-throwing-stones-at-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/?p=211","title":{"rendered":"Would I calm her down by throwing stones at her!"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Would%20I%20calm%20her%20down%20by%20throwing%20stones%20at%20her%21\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Here is perhaps the worst song ever recorded <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sonicfrog.net\/music\/LemonTree.mp3\" title=\"Worst Song Ever Recorded\">worst song ever recorded<\/a>. I have dubbed it &#8220;The A-Bomb&#8221; over at <a href=\"http:\/\/althouse.blogspot.com\/2006\/07\/bad-song-lyrics.html#comments\">Ann Althouse&#8217;s<\/a> Blog.<\/p>\n<p>A little background. It&#8217;s my junior year in college, 1991. One of my friends, Robert, was a big believer in the Rolling Stone album review staff. For him, they were THE authority on music, good vs bad. If the album received a five star rating, Tower Records in Fresno would be sure of at least one sale, such was Rob&#8217;s almost religious confidence in the RS reviews. Rob would soon learn of the consequences of blind trust in anything Rolling Stone.<\/p>\n<p>In an issue released early that year, the reviewers gave a &#8220;Best Of&#8221; album a &#8220;Five Star&#8221; rating. The group was an old sixties act called &#8220;<em>The Move<\/em>&#8220;. Hardly anyone stateside would know of them, but they would, with drummer Bev Bevan and later Jeff Lynne in this project, later to become the creative core of ELO. Lots of good music from them, so &#8220;<em>The Move<\/em>&#8221; would have to show a spark things to come.  Right? One would think.<\/p>\n<p>Well, upon purchasing the album, Rob headed to his house to play this RS anointed &#8220;Great collection of fine songs&#8221;. I got a call from him  demanding that I must hear this album. He wouldn&#8217;t tell me why, but he was laughing on the phone as he made his request.  Ten minutes later  we were in front of my speakers, stereo remote in hand, finger on the CD play button. I couldn&#8217;t believe my ears. The music coming from the speaker cones was, by far, the worst thing I had ever had the &#8220;joy&#8221; of listening to. It was soooo bad I had to hear the whole collection.  The whole of the album comes across as something of a disk that mysteriously and unfortunately managed to escape to our universe from an alternate dimension, as the band sounds like The Shaggs on a bad acid trip. In this universe, instead of joining forming Black Sabbath, Ozzie Osbourn sings for the Demented Archies instead.<\/p>\n<p>There are two songs that stand out as being the most merciless bad things ever burned into a vinyl disk. One is called &#8220;Disturbance&#8221;.<em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.sonicfrog.net\/music\/Disturbance.mp3\" title=\"Disturbance\">Disturbance<\/a><\/em>. It starts out somewhat OK, but devolves into a screaming, grunting mess at the end, as if to prove the character being described in the is really insane. But the  piece de resistance  is a song called <em>(Here We Go Round) The Lemon Tree<\/em>. Here is the song. Here are the lyrics. Enjoy!<\/p>\n<p><em>There&#8217;s a girl next door to me who&#8217;s round the bend<br \/>\nBut she wonders why she can&#8217;t make any friends<br \/>\nFrom her garden she could see me<br \/>\nIn her silver plaid bikini<br \/>\nSinging, dancing round her fruit<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Here we go round the lemon tree<br \/>\nMister can you hear me<br \/>\nHere we go round the lemon tree<br \/>\nMister don&#8217;t come near me<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Would I calm her down by throwing stones at her<br \/>\nIf only I could make the right approach to her<br \/>\nThink I&#8217;d rather tame the tiger<br \/>\nTurn those lemons into cider<br \/>\nStill I&#8217;d like to get beside her <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>CHORUS<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>(silly bridge with violins)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Morning came and into action went my plans<br \/>\nWent to meet her dressed in bright green underpants<br \/>\nI crept in and sang discretely<br \/>\nSeemed to change her mind completely<br \/>\nDanced together singing sweetly<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Here we go round&#8230;<\/em> blah, blah, blah<\/p>\n<p>Sad thing is the more I listen to it, the more I start to like it. This must be some cruel form of brainwashing!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"Would%20I%20calm%20her%20down%20by%20throwing%20stones%20at%20her%21\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>Here is perhaps the worst song ever recorded worst song ever recorded. I have dubbed it &#8220;The A-Bomb&#8221; over at Ann Althouse&#8217;s Blog. A little background. It&#8217;s my junior year in college, 1991. One of my friends, Robert, was a big believer in the Rolling Stone album review staff. For him, they were THE authority [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=211"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonicfrog.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}